Sunday, December 20, 2009

This Time Last Year

Well as most of you know last year at this time my little guy Armstrong had just been diagnosed with his brain tumor and finished 2 brain surgeries. Today while at church I suddenly could not stop thinking about this time last year when I had been sitting in the same church with Armstrong on my lap, at the same yearly christmas service.

I was overcome with saddness. As much as the day to day world has gone on. My arms still remember Armstrong as if it was yesterday I held him in them. My lips still remember the touch of his cheek as I would kiss him goodnight. But most of all my heart still remembers the loss of not having him in my life anymore.

On some days I feel absolutely energized to change the world, make a difference in Armstrongs name. But on other days I feel like the loss is too overwhelming and curling up in my bed is the best solution. I'm struggling to find a balance that is for sure. I have a list a mile long of things I would love to do in Armstrongs name, but not nearly a mile of money to follow the list.

Today was a day of sitting in the saddness. Of missing Army so much my body hurt. Today was one of those days I hope not to repeat anytime soon :(

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